If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
