You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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