You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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