forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
this just has baby written all over it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
