watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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