Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
