??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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