I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
