Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
