A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
