Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
