yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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