Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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