He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
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the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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