and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
