Your face is a jimmy john
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
