It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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