the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
