Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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