Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
