I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
