oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this just has baby written all over it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
