Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.