He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.