So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
