Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
