my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I want to walk on stilts...naked
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.