You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
