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dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
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