I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The best revenge is premature balding
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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