We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
