remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
