He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
