Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
