I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
