I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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