Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
