i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
