Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
