where am i from again
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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