I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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