a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
