He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
