I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
