i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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