We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
