Where is the hickey?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize