I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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