FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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