Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
