Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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