I hate all girls vehemently.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
