Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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