I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i came on her dog
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
