Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
