I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
