Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
