I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
