census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sext me about skeletons
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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