Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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