now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
