Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
