For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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