ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Randomize
