I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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