What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
