Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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