Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
