i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
