This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
