Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
