we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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