i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
