awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
