look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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