I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
