i permit you to call me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
