So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
