I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
