I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
